At one time or another, we are all blessed with Love in our lives; we are all graced with at least a handful of intimate, powerful, “romantic” relationships. And, at least for the vast majority of us, we have all also been blasted by the tragedy of “being dumped”; of having the one we Love the most break away and leave us to deal with the immense pain that comes with being “abandoned”.

And, almost invariably, when these break-ups occur, the one doing the breaking utters at least a few “kind words” designed to explain why he/she is leaving — words that seem convincing at the time, and yet words that are ultimately lies.

And this is the focus of the next several posts — waking up to the lies we have been told, and to the lies we tell others. Indeed, we cannot know the Joy of true Love until we recognize the ways we hold ourselves back from engaging it.

Many of the excuses I will mention next will sound familiar. Most of us have heard them from Loved ones who were leaving us, and many of us have uttered a few of them ourselves. Indeed, I was inspired to share these “wake up calls” with you not only because I have recently heard them uttered to me, but also because I realized that I have, at one time or another (mostly during my 20’s & early 30’s), uttered them myself.

So, to all those women who told me any of these lies, I forgive you fully. And to all the women to whom I lied in these ways, I apologize to you whole-heartedly … May this post be a Light that illuminates (and ultimately eliminates) the delusions that have kept us in the dark. If we can identify falsehood, we can replace it with Truth. And if we can walk a Truth-full life, we can open the door to knowing real LOVE — which is the greatest achievement any of us can attain & is the most wonderful experience any of us can know.

That having been said, there are three major categories of “Love-Lies” that are told to those we are leaving: lies about our selves, lies about our lives, and lies about the ones we are leaving. Let’s look briefly at each …

LIE-Category #1 — your self: “I just don’t Love you anymore” … Actually, Love is not a feeling you have when things are going well. Love is a CHOICE you make, especially when tempted to leave a relationship. Love is not something that “just disappears” — that is what desire does over time. Love is a verb, and if you are not Loving another person, the only reason why is because you have chosen to stop Loving them … period.

other similar lies we hear &/or tell:
“I’m not capable of Loving anyone right now” (or “I did the best I could to Love you” or “I really tried to Love you, but just couldn’t” or “Love just doesn’t work for me”) … We are all ALWAYS capable of Loving another person, regardless of who that person is or how we are feeling about them. And if you believe otherwise, you are not only lying to the other, you are lying to yourself … period.

“My Love for you just faded away” … Love never “just fades away”. Romantic feelings and selfish desires do indeed fade away, but they have nothing at all to do with Love. If you are not feeling “loving” towards another, that doe NOT mean it is time to quit on the relationship. Actually, the times when you are no longer feeling “loving” towards another are the times when your Love is most powerful — and most in-JOY-able for you when it is given anyway.

LIE-Category #2 — your life: “It’s not a good time for me to be in a relationship” (or “I’m just not ready to have a partner”) … Actually, if this were true, the other never would have come into your life in the first place; there would be no relationship for you to abandon. If you are in a relationship, then there is no better time to be in one. Love is never more powerful (and thereby never more in-JOY-able) than in those times when it is most difficult to give … period.

other similar lies we hear &/or tell:
“I need more time before I can be ready to Love someone” … Actually, there is nothing we can do or learn that will make Loving someone easier at a later date. In fact, the longer we wait to Love, the harder it becomes to do so … period.

“I’ve got some things I need to sort out in my life (or in myself) before I can Love” … Actually, there is nothing more important to do than choosing to Love another person — especially in those times when you least wish to do so. On top of that, taking time to “invest in self” and “sort things out” actually makes it more difficult to then fully invest in someone else at a later time … period.

LIE-Category #3 — the other: “You just weren’t The One for me” … Actually, if you are searching for the “perfect partner” for yourself, you are guaranteed never to find him/her. Love is a giving frequency, and can thus only be called by those choosing to Give — not by those choosing to “manifest love” for themselves. Indeed, if your current partner is making you uneasy &/or is proving difficult to Love, then he/she IS ALREADY the “perfect partner” for you … period!

other similar lies we hear &/or tell:
“I didn’t mean to hurt you” (or “I’m so sorry”) … Actually, if that were truly the case, you wouldn’t have done so … period. Believe me, I have uttered this one more than a few times, and what I was really saying every time was, “I feel really guilty about being so selfish and not Loving you, so I’m going to apologize in the hopes that you will forgive me, that I will then feel better” … Pulling the plug on Love always hurts the other, and doing so is always a choice. So, when we do so, we are always hurting the other “on purpose” … period.

“I’ll always Love you” (or “I’ll always hold you close in my heart”) … Actually, if you truly Love another, you do not ever place your own desires over theirs, especially when doing so causes them intense pain … period. We all are tempted to be selfish, of course, and we all have given-in to these temptations at one time(s) or another. And yet it remains a Truth that it is impossible harm someone selfishly and Love them at the same time … period.

“I still want to move forward as friends” … Actually, real Friendship is also grounded in selflessness; in placing the desires of the other ahead of your own. As such, it is impossible to break up with someone, purposefully causing them immense pain (in order to fulfill your own desires, no less), and at the same time honestly express a desire to be Friends. I’ve uttered this one a few times as well, and what I was really saying when I did so was, “I feel terrible about hurting you, and a bit guilty about being so selfish, so I’m going to offer you a friendship (that I know you won’t accept) in order to feel better about myself”.

In conclusion, please know that I am not pointing my finger at any of you. The afore-mentioned Truths are shared not to criticize or condemn, but rather to allow you to recognize the ways you have excused yourself from courageously Loving in the past — that you might thereby go forward to more courageously Love in the future.

I remember the times I uttered such statements, and I now humbly admit that they were lies I told in order to justify my own cowardice. I forgive myself for these failings, and intend to use my new-found clarity to boldly stride into my future — ready to Love others courageously, especially in those times (and especially in those relationships) where Love is hardest to give.

This is the only Way I have found to know real Joy, and it is pure Joy, and pure Joy alone, that I wish for you all …

S, out — Peace, in