“Do not be afraid …

for I am bringing Good News of great Joy

… for everyone.”

~ Jesus Christ (Luke 2:10)

I guess it’s fair to state that – despite the many profound epiphanies with which I was showered in the early stages of the Pilgrimage – I was anything but “enlightened” at this point of the Journey.  Actually, I remain quite “unenlightened” in many of my moments still … I, like the rest of humanity, am a perfect Spiritual Energy riding around in a fleshly body that is programmed for one thing and one thing only:  it’s own survival.  I, too, yearn to be Loved … I, too, am afraid of the unknown … I, too, still regularly refuse to reach out to those who are suffering around me.

And yet I am on The Path – a way of living that desires to “wake up” a hit more each day – to Love more than longing to be loved; to appreciate the Beauty in all the times I fear; to Care for others more than I turn away.

And as I walked on down the desolate highway that day, with no one around with whom to share or speak, my only company was found in those drivers passing me by on the road.  And I so wanted their company – I so wanted to be appreciated – I so wanted a smile – I so wanted to be Loved.

And, in harmony with the apparent law of the emotional Universe that we can never fully receive that for which we yearn, I received no Love that afternoon – but was instead met by faces either contorted with sneers or smothered in vacant apathy.  Some even slightly veered their cars towards me as though they were going to hit me!

Sadness set in … I was so alone.

And yet, even in the depths of my despondency, I was able to “step above” the situation and See what was happening.  I was able to watch my reactions and then, eventually, I was able to alter them.

My initial response was, of course, indignant anger.

“Come on!  It’s a beautiful day and I’m a Peace Pilgrim.  Wake up!”

Then I tried entertaining myself by making fun of those who passed me by in fancier cars (imitating Thurston Howell III from Gilligan’s Island).

“Look lovey, it’s one of those Peace Pilgrim vagrant-types.  I bet he wants us to stop and give him some money.  I don’t think so … ha ha ha ha ha.”

This only made me feel even more depressed, so I shifted to exuding a relatively humorous form of condescension.

“Oh, ignoring a Peace Pilgrim — now that’s reaaaallllly nice.”

That wasn’t doing much good for anyone either, so I moved to a more neutral form of critical judgment.

“I can’t believe that you won’t even smile at me!”

… and then I tried some arrogant pity.

“How sad that you are so sad … How sad that you cannot See me.”

… and then even a bit of pseudo-compassionate manipulation.

“I bend like a reed to your cold aggression … and in doing so, I re-mind you of who you truly Are.”

While well-intended, this latter approach only served to deepen the gulf between us – and I realized then that it was that gulf of our separation that was the source of my suffering (not their apparent callousness).

So I figured I’d give thankfulness a go.

“Though I am alone & being ignored by those who would Love me, I am thankful to be able to Love them anyway.”

This did indeed feel a little better, and yet I only noticed a significant shift in my experience when I chose to start sending Love outward, as opposed to focusing my thoughts on within.

I sent those drivers gentle Compassion …

“You must be in pain to look away from me.  I feel your pain, and I send you Peace.”

… and I sent them sincere Kindness.

“Whether you See me or not, whether you chose to be Kind or not, I See You … & you are Loved.”

How astounding to note how every shift in attitude led to an immediate shift in my own inner level of Happiness; how the less attached I became to the actions of those around me and the more I desired for them to benefit, the more Bliss-full I became!

Not surprisingly, it was at this point that I walked across a bridge over a river – and was literally engulfed in a swarm of swallows!  They were my favorite swallows too – those beautiful barn swallows with their dark-blue bodies and deep orange bellies.  Right there in the middle of the bridge, the beauty of this scene was simply overwhelming, and I turned to watch their aerial ballet –  to watch them celebrate my Awakening; reveling in my return from the inner darkness.

Just a few moments removed from a deep state of depression, I was experiencing a critical Truth:  that it is our chosen state of mind that determines the quality of our experiences – and not the content of those happenings.

Completely mesmerized by the beauty of the swallows dancing about me – laughing and gently crying at the same time while they did so – it was a car’s horn that “brought me back” to find myself teetering over the edge of the railing, very close to falling into the river!  I guess, while it is advisable to revel in the Beauty that always surrounds us, it is also prudent to remain grounded in the Here&Now while doing so … 😉

And how amusing that one of those “cold drivers” against whom I had been fuming only minutes before was the one who saved me from falling.

So, still alone – and still thirsty – and still hungry – and still sneered at – I chose at that point to smile.  I remembered in that moment that we are all here not to collect the pleasures of being loved, but rather to go forth into every moment and give that Love to others.  And that even when no one is around to whom to give it – even when no one seems to care and life feels like one big blanket of rejection, there is always Gratitude.  There is always the chance to See the Beauty of Life.  And there is always the opportunity to reverently cherish the same — and silently relay that appreciation to everyone & everything nearby.

So, with my Heart having once more made the long journey to my mind, I set out once again to continue my body’s long Journey southward.

Filed under: Peace Pilgrimage #01: Adventures of a Numinous Nomad (2011) by Scaughdt