December 04 – Unconditional Forgiveness: Sit down and write down five (5) of the actions of others that have most harmed you (with physical pain, intellectual confusion &/or emotional sadness/fear) … Now write each of these actions’ “perpetrators” a note, outlining your perception of their offense(s) and expressing your unconditional Forgiveness to them. Imagine yourself Forgiving them in person. See them accepting your Forgiveness with Gratitude. Envision hugging each other before parting ways.

Bonus Activity: Have the Courage to give these notes to your “villains” personally.

This one, of course, was a bit more challenging for me – though not for the traditional reasons. I had already invested a lot of time&energy over the past few years in not only atoning for my own “sins” (actions similar to yesterday’s task), but also in forgiving others theirs. What became difficult this time was in deciding how to forgive my life’s “villains” without having them feel like villains again; how to express the fact that I had let the pain go without inspiring them to sink back into guilt (or lash out in guilt-based indignation) – Tricky business indeed, and I wasn’t sure how to go about it …

Then this morning I stumbled upon “radical Gratitude” – not only releasing the indignation felt over “being wronged”, and not only comprehending that every “bad thing” that ever happened to me has served to strengthen my journey towards true Happiness (pain is the most potent Lesson-lender), but actually choosing to feel thankful for those transgressions.

Thankful because it is only in our times of difficulty that we can experience life as Meaning-full …

Thankful because I have found that true Joy only comes to us when we have the courage to Care for another in those times we least wish to do so …

Thankful because only those who have been inflicted with suffering can help to transform the “villains” who inflicted the same upon them.  What an opportunity!  What a privilege!  What an honor!

So that is how I approached my five letters of forgiveness — by going very heavy on the positivity; by loading them up with sincere gratitude; by expressing how thankful I now am that each of my “enemies” presented me with such noble challenges (challenges I have used for immense personal growth).

Note that forgiveness of others is a private affair – between the other & yourself, between yourself & your version of “God”, and between your ego-self & your True Self (having both the humility & the courage to see the other’s transgressions as very similar to your own). With that in mind, I am going to only discuss the general categories of the individuals I chose to forgive for today’s task*. Publicly airing others’ “dirty laundry” is acutely pain-provoking, and I do not wish to cause anyone that pain.

The first category of “forgivables” contains our family members. Every one of us was, at one time or another, emotionally (&/or physically) abandoned by both of our parents. Such failings are an inherent part of attempting to extend perfect Love to children while living in imperfect mind-bodies, vessels scarred by their own past traumas and haunted by their own worries related to the ever-hazy future. Fear seeps in to all parent-child relations – from our infancy to our death, and this fear often inspires actions which are less than kind …

And yet this immense pain can be used by each of us not only as a catalyst for personal transcendence, but also as a source of liberation for our parents – when we choose to forgive them (intensely & gently & gratefully) for the wounds they opened in us.

The second category of “forgivables” contains our friends & lovers. We have all felt betrayed at one time or another by those closest to us. These feelings are an inherent part of forming partnerships of any kind – relationships in no small part designed to soothe the deep scars of our childhood injuries. And yet our loved ones are doing the same with us – they have their own agendas for healing; agendas that often conflict with our own. And those conflicts often cause great pain …

And yet this immense pain can be used by each of us not only as a catalyst for personal transcendence, but also as a source of liberation for our friends and lovers alike – when we choose to forgive them (intensely & gently & gratefully) for the wounds they opened in us.

The final category of “forgivables” contains our life’s “authorities”. We have all been treated “unfairly” by our employers &/or agents of the government at one time or another. We have all been under-appreciated for the efforts we make day-in and day-out to perform quality work for others. We have all been pressured to “tow the line” in ways that violated who we had chosen to be as individuals. These injustices are inherent in any society that establishes hierarchies of people who are more or less powerful; more or less successful; more or less accepted. And when we find ourselves on the “lesser” sides of those scales, it hurts …

And yet this immense pain can be used by each of us not only as a catalyst for personal transcendence, but also as a source of liberation for these others (even as a source of evolution for the society) – when we choose to forgive them (intensely & gently & gratefully) for the wounds they opened in us.

As a final point of note, whenever you find yourself analyzing the “crimes” that have been perpetrated upon you, please remember that we can only be critical of those behaviors that we ourselves have exhibited in our recent past, that we ourselves are currently exhibiting, or that we ourselves could very easily exhibit in the future. One finger pointing out at another is always simultaneously three fingers pointing back at ourselves. Let this Truth sink deep into your Awareness – fueling your Compassion, awakening your Humility & engendering your Forgiveness …

See YOU when I see you …

… and until then, Be Now!

Scaughdt

*Of the 5+ folks I contacted, one of them is a public figure. As such, I think it’s OK to share his letter with you:

Dear Mr. Obama,

I am writing to express both my gratitude for what you have done as President, as well as my forgiveness for what you haven’t.

First the latter —

I forgive you for sacrificing your presumably high moral fiber in the apparent hopes of “milking the system” for a second term in office. Maybe you will succeed in gaining reelection, but don’t you realize that your second term will be a relatively powerless one? You have the opportunity NOW to do many Right Things — to get all American troops out of Afghanistan, to make protecting our global environment your top priority, to invest the vast majority of our government’s resources in enhancing the lives of the world’s poor & downtrodden.

These are the actions that could have your legacy become a potently positive one.

And yet I am also thankful for your failings.

Your inability to stand up for the values you originally represented has shown the American people quite clearly that their vote is not going to solve any of their problems; that they and they alone must do so by investing in their own relationships & communities. Your predecessors showed us clearly that the system is broken. You have proven that it cannot be fixed; inadvertently awakening a small-but-significant portion of the citizenry to the utter uselessness of politics. For this at the very least you are to be gently commended.

Sending you immense compassion,

extending you my sincere friendship,

and wishing you all the best,

Scaughdt

Filed under: 366 Days of Kindness by Scaughdt