RETURNING TODD to a PLACE of PEACE
… Bringing my brother back to the Big Island

“Tribute 02 … The Place of Refuge”

Just down the road from Kealakekua Bay is Pu’uhonua O Honaunau, (otherwise known as “The Place of Refuge”) — one of the more peaceful sites on the Big Island, and the place where we held our second tribute to Todd.

Hundreds of years ago, indigenous Hawaiians who violated one or more of their culture’s sacred laws were often sentenced to death, and that sentence was invariably carried out — unless the offenders could somehow make it to one of the island’s “Places of Refuge” (or Pu’uhonua) beforehand. There, these pre-judged “criminals” would be absolved by a Hawaiian priest and thereafter allowed to reenter society. Also, during times of war, defeated warriors and noncombatants were safe from harm at these sacred locations.

During the last years of Todd’s life, he was often a “troubled Soul” who ended up (mostly unintentionally) offending quite a few folks. He was also a warrior of sorts — especially when it came to defending the sanctity of the Earth. As such, it seemed more than fitting that a portion of his ashes would be laid to rest at the Honaunau Place of Refuge, one of the more powerful Hawaiian sanctuaries of atonement and forgiveness, just as it seems more than fitting that I use this time to dispel a few myths that still surround the act of suicide …

Myth #01 resolved: Suicide is not an act of cowardice.

Indeed, seeing as how the fear of death is the fear of all fears — seeing as how every fear any of us might have is essentially built upon the foundation of the fear of death, and that every sentient being on our planet is subconsciously programmed to fear death above all else, choosing to consciously face death’s portal and then purposefully cross its threshold is the greatest act of courage anyone can ever embody.

So, while I most certainly do not advocate suicide as a solution to one’s traumas or depressions or personal problems, I most certainly do admire those with the resolve and the courage to choose such a path. As I mentioned in the eighth chapter of the “Tribute to Todd” that I wrote back in 2012 (the chapter entitled “Meeting Life Head-On”), Todd was one of the most courageous men I have ever met … and his choice to face death, stare it in the eye, and then take his own life affirms this fact all the more.

Myth #02 resolved: Suicide is not “sinful” or “bad” or even “wrong”.

Granted, sometimes suicide is indeed a selfish act. And yet this does not make suicide per se “wrong” — merely selfish. And I will grant as well that many times suicide does indeed cause others great pain. And yet this does not make suicide per se “bad” — merely painful. And while suicide, depending upon one’s religious beliefs, might indeed qualify as a “sin”, there is no doubt whatsoever that the only person qualified to make such a judgment is the one committing the suicide. After all, who are we to judge another’s deed merely because it does not match our own desires or merely because it makes us uncomfortable? Who are we to condemn another as a “sinner” just because they might make choices that do not resonate with our own personal beliefs?

Actually, the case can be made that some suicides are actually Noble Deeds, for it is almost certainly true that at least some suicides are committed in order to lessen the pain & suffering of others, if not even to save their lives. Is not the man who dives in front of a bus to save a child committing suicide? Is not the woman who is killed while laying her body down in protest before onrushing trucks carrying pigs to needless slaughter committing suicide? Were not Jesus & Gandhi & Peace Pilgrim committing suicide when they gave up everything and literally sacrificed their lives for humanity?

And this begs the question: didn’t my brother possibly commit suicide because he became more acutely aware of the very real danger his alternate personality posed to others? Isn’t it possible that he committed suicide because he was afraid he would otherwise harm another being? Is it possible that his too, was a sacrifice most Noble? After all, we have no evidence to the contrary … Indeed, seeing as how he had successfully battled his depression for 20+ years beforehand without taking his own life, there seems to be quite a bit of evidence to show that his ultimate act was indeed a selfless one — if not at the very least one that was Purpose-full and well-intended.

It thus bears pondering, the following conundrum: in such moments when the evidence could go either way, isn’t it always preferable to give the more positive accounting of events? Whenever such an explanation is available, isn’t it always preferable — indeed isn’t it always “right” — to judge another in the best light possible? Suicide or not, isn’t it always preferable to humble ourselves in the face of all things “tragic” or “cruel” or even “evil” — to take a calm step back, place ourselves within the shoes of the other, and have gentle compassion for their choices, regardless?

We will never know what was going through Todd’s mind while he was walking those final two miles from his wilderness campsite to the beautiful overlook where he ultimately took his own life — and we certainly will never know what was passing through his mind shortly before he pulled the trigger. What we do know — each of us to varying degrees — is that Todd was a Good Man striving to be better; that he was a Good Man trying to make his way through a life often filled with pain & trouble; that he was a Good Man, period … And we can know as well that this all remains True whether his final act was a Noble one or not; and that this all remains True for each and every person we will ever encounter for the rest of our lives.

May we each have the humility to carry this Truth into all our interactions with all those around us who might be choosing to seem “mean” or “dishonest” or “cruel” or “selfish” … and may we each then have the courage to act accordingly.

Amen … Let it be so.

“It is not seen as insane when a fighter, under an attack that will inevitably lead to his death,
chooses to take his own life first. In fact, this act has been encouraged for centuries,
and is accepted even now as an honorable reason to do the deed.
How is it any different when you are under attack by your own mind?”
~ Emilie Autumn

“Cowardice is nothing to do with it — suicide takes considerable courage …
No, what’s selfish is to demand another to endure an intolerable existence,
just to spare their families, friends, and enemies a bit of soul-searching.”
~ David Mitchell

“Despite how most of us pretend to know otherwise,
all of life remains a Great Mystery.” ~ Todd

 

Filed under: A Tribute to Todd by Scaughdt