Addiction #32 – Fear (6 Steps to Freedom … Step 1)
LICKING THE RAZOR’S EDGE
Addiction #32 – FEAR (Part 2 … Six Steps to Freedom)
Step 01: RELEASE WHAT DOESN’T WORK
Before we can engage our fear with methods that function, we must have the humility to identify – and the courage to dismiss – those that don’t. To that end, consider the following popular delusions related to combating fear and “becoming happier”:
Failure #01: aggression & bravado
Confronting your fears by “acting tough” doesn’t relieve your angst, and it certainly doesn’t make you courageous. In actuality, anger and hate and aggression are all highly crystallized forms of fear, and as such, these behaviors only serve to intensify the fears that inspire them in the first place.
So the next time you catch yourself being boisterous or overconfident — or daring or bold – or mean or combative, realize that all you really are is afraid, and that the only way to combat fear is with its opposite: Love.
And the next time you see anyone else being disruptive or condemnatory or threatening in any way, remember that are not showing you their strength; they are showing you their fear. On the outside they might seem strong and certain and definitive, yet on the inside they are timid and trembling – cowering in the darkened corners of their minds; afraid to come out into the light. In such times, even though you yourself might be quite afraid, please remember that aggressive people do not need your “respect” or your allegiance or your capitulation – what they need is your compassion and your kindness … What they need is Love.
Failure #02: “getting healthy” (or “taking care of yourself”)
Quite a few “health professionals” will implore you to combat your fear (and its close cousins – anger & sadness) by “eating right” or getting more rest or even taking prescription medications. While it has been established that reducing your intake of caffeine, sugar, alcohol and meat will indeed give you an emotional boost and have you living a “happier life” (and while it is certainly ok to feel good and enjoy a healthier life), such self-centered shifts in behavior will NOT have any lasting soothing effects on your underlying dis-ease. To the contrary, the more you focus on yourself and striving for your own happiness, the stronger your base-fears will become.
Failure #03: “self-help”
As we slowly awaken as a species, more & more of us are realizing that this glorious life is so much more than the mere accumulation of material wealth, the fleeting whims of fun & pleasure, or the hollow assurance of personal safety. And in response to this growing cry for deeper Meaning and greater Contentment, thousands of “gurus” and “experts” and “masters” have floated up from the depths to tempt us with their assurances of “personal growth”, “perfect love” and “pure enlightenment”.
We are told that meditation and yoga bring inner peace, and yet that calm remains missing away from our mats & cushions … We are given healings using tones & colors & aromas – flower essences and “energy work” and biofeedback machines – with crystals and magnets and herbs, and yet our fears and our sadness and our anger continue to return … We are massaged and Reiki’d and Rolfed – acupunctured and acupressured and myo-facially released – tapped and twisted and titillated from head to toe, and yet our bodies remain tense and in pain … We are sent on astral journeys, spirit quests and past-life regressions – we lay on the therapist’s couch to come to make our past meaningful and we sit before our life-coach in order to co-create a better future, and yet our present remains steeped in turmoil and suffering.
Of course, to the degree that these practices (and any others like them) are sincerely practiced, they will bring a temporary respite from our fears. And yet they too are essentially self-centered, and as such, they too are ultimately counterproductive. There is a reason that one self-help book often turns into an entire shelf full of them … There is a reason why the therapist so often asks for “just a few more sessions” and why the guru keeps telling us that we “aren’t quite ready yet”. Our fears are born, developed and nourished solely in the ego’s self-centeredness. As such, any practiced designed to bring “health” or “peace” or “enlightenment” for yourself ultimately strengthens the very ego that commands you to be afraid.
Byron Katie (& others) tells you to engage “The Work” to be more joyful, and yet doing so primarily for yourself will only bring you closer to sadness.
Eckhart Tolle (& others) tells you to simply sit back and “be in the moment”, and yet to do so primarily for yourself will only have you sinking into a meaningless despair.
Esther Hicks (& others) tells you to “be positive” and “manifest abundance”, and yet to do so primarily for yourself will have you living the most barren and impoverished of lives.
Please note that I am NOT intending to criticize any particular “self-help” authors, nor am I condemning any particular “self-help” practices. This a no call to masochism and n summons for self-neglect in any way, shape or form.
Rather, it is a call for you to set aside your search for mere “happiness”, and it is a summons for you to return to true Joy …
It is simply a reminder of the following simple Truths:
1) No matter how happy or healthy or whole you feel, pain of one sort or another is going to keep finding you – again & again, over & over, for the rest of your life. There is simply no escaping that fact. As such …
2) The Meaning in your Living does not come from eliminating your discomforts, but rather from choosing to transcend your selfish impulses during life’s painful moments, and finally …
3) This transcendence is always available — to every conscious being in every moment of their lives – regardless of the pain you might experience or the fear you might feel.
In conclusion, your true Happiness (what I call “Bliss”) does not come from “good times” or “good people” or “good fun”; you cannot study it and thereby slowly “get it” over time, and you cannot pray for it to be given to you someday “from above”.
Indeed, these myths (along with the myths mentioned earlier) are not only ineffective, but counterproductive. Not only do they not bring you further away from fear, they actually make your own fears stronger.
Essentially, they are nothing more than your ego convincing you to set yourself on fire in order to feel a little warmer.
“Life shrinks or expands in direct proportion to the intensity of your courage.” ~ inspired by Anais Nin
“Courage is consciously — and actively — resisting fear. It is the moment-to-moment mastery of anxiety, not an extended absence thereof.” ~ inspired by Mark Twain
“We have nothing to fear but fear itself.” ~ Louis McHenry Lowe
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