LICKING THE RAZOR’S EDGE

Addiction #32 – the challenge of FEAR

“Fear is your life’s only true opponent — only fear can defeat you. And it is a most clever and insidious adversary, having no decency, respecting no law, and showing no mercy. It always attacks our weakest points in our weakest moments, both of which it identifies with unnerving ease. It begins in your mind, always – indeed, it resides there exclusively, and as such, the only way to cleanse yourself of its sticky temptations is to boldly shine the light of comprehension upon it. Because if you don’t, if your fear becomes a wordless darkness from which you ever shy away — perhaps which you even manage to forget, you will only open yourself to its relentless and ever-more-massive attacks.” ~ inspired by Yann Martel

“Fear cuts deeper than the sharpest of swords.” ~ inspired by George R. R. Martin

Fear — sometimes it arrives as a slicing angst that holds our hearts hostage. In other moments, it is but a faintly gnawing uncertainty on the very edges of our awareness — like the frigid caress from a childhood nightmare or the faintest whisper of a wound long-since scarred over. It is the anxiety we feel when identifying a threat still unfamiliar, and it is the dread we know while anticipating the reliving of a pain already endured.

Though a life without fear is a most reasonable goal for which to strive, fear is here to stay — for to remove it permanently would also require the removal of the portion of the human brain where fear permanently resides; the primitive stem that not only keeps air flowing through our lungs, but that also keeps blood flowing through our veins.  As such, even though it is obvious to many that we cannot fully thrive alongside fear, our bodies cannot survive at all without the portions of the brain that repeatedly send it to haunt our waking days.

And it is not merely that our fear is incessantly reborn of this primal, unconscious, biological directive. Most of us actually seem to be addicted to nourishing our fear – to sitting it down at the dinner table once it arrives and feeding it sumptuous courses of tragedy and drama and danger and uncertainty until we are literally stuffed with anxiety.  We watch the nightly news, we glue ourselves to our favorite soap operas, we engage in critical gossip about the broken lives of our enemies, and we allow ourselves to be easily bombarded with advertisements, warnings and political slogans designed to keep us subconsciously timid & trembling.

As such, whether our fear is acute & invasive or muted & hovering, it remains a tangible presence in some form or another in every moment of our existence.

And yet, as with every other addiction we have discussed so far, all is not lost … Indeed, even though it cannot ever be permanently eliminated, our fear be consistently transcended. And the following passages can possibility assist you in doing just that …

Step ONE: RECOGNIZING your FEAR ADDICTION

Many “angst experts”, in the hopes of somehow making our anxiety more manageable, have attempted to group fear into its primary categories – those being:

the fear of extinction (otherwise known as “the fear of death”),

the fear of dismemberment (otherwise known as “the fear of pain”),

the fear of the unknown (otherwise known as “the fear of change”),

the fear of isolation (otherwise known as “the fear of rejection”),

and the fear of paralysis (otherwise known as “the fear of imprisonment”).

These social scientists claim that every fear known to humankind fits into one of these five categories, and they might very well be correct.  And yet, merely identifying the source from which a particular fear has arisen does absolutely nothing to practically cleanse ourselves of that anxiety. Indeed, doing so is patently ineffective; imprisoning our desires to actively alter our lives within the passive realm of mere thoughts & fantasies about someday actually doing so.

In addition, while panic-attacks, obsessive-compulsive disorders, abject moments of terror and irrational phobias are all well-known ways in which some of us occasionally experience fear in our lives, such dramatic examples are NOT the ones causing us the most trouble. Indeed, there are many other manifestations of anxiety that are far more subtle – and far more deadly – in the ways they keep us shackled to lives that are lacking in meaning and overburdened with dissatisfaction.

And thus, before we can hope to ever truly transcend our fear, we must first have the courage to identify where it has quietly crept into our lives. To aid yourself in this noble endeavor, consider humbly answering the following questions:

*Do you experience bizarre dreams, night-sweats, sweaty palms, shallow &/or rapid breathing, or have post-adolescent acne?

*Do you peek behind your shower curtains &/or in your closets before going to bed?

*Do you avoid being alone for any extended period of time?

*Do you find it difficult to make important decisions?

*Do you imbibe more than one glass of alcohol more than three times a week?

*Do you smoke cigarettes?

*Do you drink more than one cup of coffee a day?

*Do you regularly eat animals?

*Are you emotionally attached to any of your material possessions?

*Do you think a “healthy sex life” is necessary to be happy?

*Do you ever experience bouts of jealousy or envy?

*Do you have difficulty in being openly kind to strangers?

*Are you ever worried about what other people think about you (or your appearance … or your “performance” at work … or your relationships … or your choices … or your beliefs)?

*Do you worry about your physical health?

*Do you blush whenever you do anything “embarrassing”?

*Are you engaged with social media of any kind (email, Facebook, Twitter, etc) for more than one hour a day?

*Do you ever feel so overwhelmed (or depressed, or anxious, or hopeless, or pessimistic) that you “simply have to talk to somebody about it”?

*Do you enjoy watching gory movies in the theater &/or murder mysteries on TV?

*Do you play video games that involve violent images or themes?

*Do you like to gamble &/or do you gamble regularly?

*Do you work for money for more than 45 hours a week?

*Do you have any insurance policies?

*Do you have a savings account or otherwise “invest for the future”?

*Do you defend or take pride in your political ideals or affiliations?

*Do you enjoy adrenaline-producing hobbies &/or engaging in “dangerous” activities?

*Remembering that anger is merely crystallized fear, do you get openly frustrated, angry or downright enraged more than once a month?

*Remembering that hatred is merely crystallized anger (which is merely crystallized fear), do you hate anyone or anything?

*Do you pry into the affairs of others &/or secretly gossip about them?

*Do you slouch when sitting down for any length of time?

*Do you cross your arms, tap your feet, drum your fingers or otherwise fidget while speaking with others?

*Do you avoid speaking in front of larger groups of people?

*Do you worry about the safety of your children, the happiness of your friends, the lives of your associates or the state of the world in general?

*When packing for a trip, do you include items that you are unlikely to use and yet are “good to have along, just in case”?

*Do you feel antsy or nervous when surrounded by people of a different race, class, political affiliation, religious belief &/or sexual orientation than yourself?

*When meeting with others, do you tend to “defend your personal space” or demand that they respect the same?

*Do you attend church primarily to feel comforted?

*Do you avoid trying new things, going to new places &/or meeting new people?

*Do you avoid speaking to the homeless people you encounter on the street?

*Do you avoid extended eye-contact (either in private or in public)?

Addiction is a normal human response to fear, so there is no need to feel ashamed, embarrassed or in any way “less than” if you answered “yes” to even quite a few of these questions.  Indeed, as each and every one of us is biologically commanded to constantly be on the lookout for anything unfamiliar in our surroundings – and then to label those unknowns as “dangerous” and to fear them until proven otherwise, it would be a strange thing indeed if you were not in some way addicted to fear.

And yet once we have made this rediscovery, the question can then be posed:  What’s the big deal? What’s so “bad” about living occasionally – or even quite often – in fear?

The CONSEQUENCES of our FEAR ADDICTION

Yes, it is true that fear is essentially an adaptive response that has enabled humanity to survive a number of bouts with near-extinction, and it is true as well that it is an emotional adaptation that can continue to protect us from a variety of threats that continue to surface in our lives to this day.

So what’s the harm in a little fear, you might ask — If fear has served such an important purpose in our past, and if it continues to serve such an important purpose today, why would we want to repair what so obviously is not at all broken?

Well, at the risk of sounding trite, I will get right to the heart of the matter with my response:

THERE IS MUCH MORE TO LIFE THAN MERELY SURVIVING.

Indeed, without the discovery of any breakthroughs in immortality research, we are all destined to ultimately fail at the game of survival. And it is this acute reality that brings us to a question that is the much more critical one – namely:

If we are indeed destined to die, how can we best THRIVE while still alive?

I would submit – at the risk of oversimplifying matters a bit – that there is essentially one response to this question upon which all other responses must somehow build:  In order to thrive while alive, it is essential that we REPLACE FEAR WITH LOVE.

And when we examine the consequences that flow to all those whose lives are steeped in any form of fear, the sense of this position becomes immediately clear.

*FEAR SPAWNS ADDICTION

Fear is not only the mother of all self-centered addictions, but the father as well. Indeed, it is fear that is the foundation of every selfish attempt we make to cover over our ego’s innate feelings of sadness with any addictive, ultimately self-destructive behavior. As such, the more we allow our fear to rule the day, the more that day will be filled with hollow, self-centered, suffering-inducing choices.

*FEAR BREEDS ANGER, HATRED & VIOLENCE

It is impossible to be angry with anyone or anything or any belief without simultaneously fearing that person, thing or belief. When fear goes unchallenged in our minds, our desires to protect ourselves from seeming threats to our happiness, our wealth and even our existence crystallize into free-flowing anger towards those perceived dangers.

As human history has conclusively shown over the past 10,000+ years, this anger then further crystallizes into exclusivist religions that persecute other faiths, aggressive nation-states that preemptively attack their enemies, and hateful bigots who attack others deemed “impure”.

*FEAR NEUTERS LOVE

Possibly the most damning of all evils engendered by angst is the inability to simultaneously know real Love. In-deed, it is physically, mentally and emotionally impossible to simultaneously exude caring, compassion, empathy, kindness, or any other form of Love while engaging a fearful mind.  Fear is completely future-oriented and self-fixated, while Love is completely rooted in the Here&Now and selfless. The two cannot co-exist, ever or in any way …

As such, because Love is the very essence that gives our limited lives their greatest sense of Purpose & Meaning & Joy, we simply must set fear aside in favor of Love if we are ever to revel in the same.

“A man that flies from his fear will find that he has only taken a short cut to meet it.” ~ J. R. R. Tolkien

“Running from fear only strengthens fear – by doing so you are demonstrating that fear has power over you. fear must be faced and approached … only then do we learn the truth of fear: that it is merely an illusion, not a real thing at all.” ~ Peter McWilliams

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” ~ Frank Herbert

“The conquering of fear is the beginning of wisdom.” ~ inspired by Bertrand Russell

“A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are for.” ~ William Shed

Filed under: Licking the Razor's Edge (freedom from hidden addictions) by Scaughdt