LICKING THE RAZOR’S EDGE

Addiction #24 – ARROGANCE
(Part 2 … a few Ways to Freedom)

*FINAL TIP (#09): THREE FINGERS BACK

This final Humility Tip is actually one of the most powerfully effective ways I know to bring Peace into your life, and I am both honored & thrilled to share it with you now. It centers around a very simple, yet not very well known psychological Truth: that every time anyone points one finger at you, they are actually pointing three fingers at themselves.

Allow me to elaborate.

First of all, it is important to understand that all of your frustration and all of your annoyance and all of your anger are nothing more than projections of how you are feeling about yourself in those very moments. It is a simple Truth that where there is anger or agitation or frustration, there is also underlying pain. If we are truly at Peace with ourselves and our lives, then we remain calm when criticized and exude Compassion to those who treat us poorly. As such, our agitation whenever they do so is not so much us accurately discerning their “poor behavior”, as it is us evidencing our own internal lack of harmony.

Any time we criticize others – or gossip about them – or analyze their motives, we are actually using their behaviors as an springboard to broadcast our dissatisfaction with ourselves; to project own pain & suffering into our environment … And the same is true of others whenever they happen to criticize us.

This psychological dynamic has three powerful, practical applications in our everyday lives …

BENEFIT #01: ENHANCED AWARENESS OF EGO

Before we discuss the significance of the three fingers pointing back at every accuser, it is wise to recognize the one that is pointing at us. The more we consciously choose to Care for others around us, the more our Humility deepens. And the more our own Humility deepens, the more we are able to calmly appreciate the hints of Truth that rest within every criticism that is thrown our way.

Instead of dismissing a criticism or emotionally defending ourselves whenever our actions are condemned or our motives are questioned, we can take a step back. Without allowing those critiques to damage our level of Self-Respect, we can calmly take stock of what has been said and honestly see where it might have some merit. Even though we know that all disparaging remarks are primarily reflective of those who utter them, we can still pause and use them to reflect upon ourselves.

When a friend tells me that I am not being productive with my life; that I could be doing so much more for humanity, I listen to that criticism humbly. It doesn’t matter that he has never seen my work as a Peace Pilgrim and that he has absolutely no idea how productive or unproductive I actually am. What is important is that I KNOW, and his criticism has opened the door for me to pause and take a deeper look at my life – to see whether or not I myself feel that I am being “productive enough”; to feel myself whether or not I am truly satisfied with the ways I am currently serving humanity.

And when I do so, his criticism – one that could very easily have become a source of anger or frustration or annoyance – becomes a cherished Gift. Instead of futilely striving to explain my life choices to him or emotionally defending the same, I am able to express gratitude to him for his concern, and this whether that concern was an accurate one or not.

In this way, instead of damaging my relationships, this practice allows criticisms to strengthen them.

BENEFIT #02: ENHANCED COMPASSION

Whenever others criticize us in any way – whether their criticisms take the form of accusation, analysis, rejection, ridicule, or gossip – we are allowed to realize that what these people are actually doing is telling you quite frankly how they feel about themselves. Indeed, it is only possible to see behaviors in others that we have at least in some way already enacted ourselves. And it is only possible to become emotionally agitated by those behaviors if we are at least in some way ashamed of or embarrassed by our own similarity to them.

As such, if another person calls you a “liar”, then they themselves are hiding something from someone. And if they are also angry with you about that perceived dishonesty, then they are also ashamed of their own.

And this dynamic holds true for any criticism. When my friend accused me of “wasting my time” instead of “more powerfully helping” others, what he was actually doing was revealing to me that this is how he viewed his own life. That he was also emotionally upset by my perceived ineffectiveness simply meant that he himself was very frustrated over not living a life that was more Meaning-fully aligned with his own dreams.

The benefit of recognizing this dynamic is quite powerful – it opens the door for us to exude a deep-seated & sincere Compassion for our “enemies”.

Instead of becoming angry or irate; instead of defending ourselves or explaining ourselves or rationalizing our choices; instead of becoming annoyed or insulted – we can calmly hear the criticism being pointed at us, and then just as calmly beam immense Compassion back to the one who has sent it our way.

BENEFIT #03: ENHANCED AWARENESS OF TRUE SELF

The final benefit of this practice is a wonderfully positive one. You see, the “one finger out, three fingers back” dynamic not only works with criticism leveled upon us, but also compliments we give to others.

Go ahead, invest a few moments and think about a few of your heroes – the men and women you most admire. Think about what you most respect about how they deal with others and how they serve humanity. Think about the character traits they exude that you find most admirable.

Well, everything you just thought about IS ALREADY A PART OF WHO YOU ALREADY ARE!

One finger out, is all-Ways three fingers back …
Now all that remains is for you go forth and act accordingly.

“We can only See in others what we currently are, what we recently were, or what we are very close to becoming. The good news about this is that, if a negative behavior is able to be seen, it is ready to be transcended – and if a positive trait is able to be seen, it is ready to be realized.” ~ anonymous

Filed under: Licking the Razor's Edge (freedom from hidden addictions) by Scaughdt