There is little doubt that social media is here to stay, and that is not necessarily a bad thing. Like any other behavior we might engage, it is not “bad” in and of itself … After all, it is not WHAT we do that harmonizes or harms us, but rather WHY we engage what we engage that does so.

Regardless of how “dangerous” they might appear, actions done to ease the pain of others serve to bring us Peace. And regardless of how “harmless” they might appear, actions that are performed to escape our own pain can easily become addictive …

… and so it is with our use of social media.

HOW SOCIAL MEDIA GETS US HOOKED

On our most primitive level, we humans are social animals, and as such possess a very strong subconscious program that drives us to remain in groups and to “stay connected”.

Like any instinctive desire, this drive is based in a primal desire to quell our constant fear of “danger” by enclosing ourselves in the “safety of the herd” – people who believe like we do; people who affirm how we think; people who like how we look — people who will possibly come to our assistance if we are ever in need.

And this desire too is not “bad”, per se … It is beneficial to develop Friendships, and it brings a measure of happiness to our lives when we immerse ourselves in intimate fellowship with others.

Of course, the challenge with social media outlets is that they superficially soothe our instinctive fears of being alone while providing none of the real intimacy and real connection that are needed to actually heal the same.

This explains a recent survey which shows that more than half of all Americans between the ages of 18 & 34 are so addicted to their social networks that they’d rather wait in line at the DMV, do their taxes, sit in traffic for four hours listening to polka music, spend a night in jail, or even have a root canal than surrender their social media profile. Indeed, recent research from the University of Chicago shows that social media outlets are more addictive than sex, alcohol and even cigarettes.

And this makes complete sense. After all, addictions are about feeding a compelling urge, and one of the greatest human urges is the yearning to feel connected to other humans – to be a part of something “larger”. And nothing satisfies this particular urge better than logging on and being social with others at any hour of the day (or night).

In essence, we keep “connecting” without really Connecting.

We have hundreds and hundreds of “friends” without becoming involved in a single real Friendship.

Basically, the founding fear that has us reaching out to Facebook & Twitter for solace not only does not go away when we post, comment or “like”, it actually gets stronger.

The more we grasp for love on-line, the farther real, Meaning-full Love moves away from us.

And so we log on again … and again … and again …
… and so is born our addiction to social media.

And while it may seem safer than drugs or alcohol or meaningless sex, social media addiction has seriously damaging effects on all of our relationships as well.

The more we engage life on-line, the more brittle our “real-life” friendships become, and the more and we lose the ability to experience real Intimacy in our lives. In addition, several studies have shown that people who use social media frequently are more likely to abuse drugs and/or alcohol, two addictions that serve to distance us even further from intimate interconnection in our lives.

Essentially, the more you “plug in” to the web, the more you “tune out” from your life.

“The qualities that make Twitter seem inane and half-baked are what make it so powerful.” ~ Jonathan Zittrain

RECOGNIZING YOUR OWN ADDICTION

Are some of the points in this post hitting close to home?

Maybe you will answer the following questions to help see if you might be addicted to social media.

Do you ever …

*… feel anxious when you don’t have access to social media for a moderate period of time (say, five days)?

*… wonder regularly over the course of a work day (say, more than three times) about what you are missing online?

*… rush home (or elsewhere) in order to get online just to check your personal profile(s)?

*… feel that your social media activity is one of the most pleasurable things in your life?

*… check Facebook first thing in the morning, before you shower or have your morning coffee?

*… turn your computer monitor around so your co-workers or bosses can’t see you checking your personal email, Facebook, Digg and Twitter accounts?

*… wake up in the middle of the night and check email, Twitter or Facebook?

*… feel like “something is missing” when you go on vacation and can’t access your social media profiles?

*… spend more time interacting with people on social sites than interacting with people in person?

*… feel compelled to immediately “correct” the “false statements” that you read online?

Rest assured that the irony of me first posting this essay on Facebook is not lost on me … I am doing so Purpose-fully, to remind all of you reading along to remember that your addictions are not tied to what actions you choose, but rather WHY you choose to do them.

Logging on to share a Kind word with a Facebook Friend who is “down & out” is one thing, doing so to assuage your own fear of being alone is another … Posting an uplifting quote to provide others with a few encouraging words is one thing, doing so to gain the hollow approval of those others is another … Sending a beautiful image to brighten someone’s day is one thing, doing so to receive a few compliments is another.

If you engage social media for the former selfless reasons, then email & Facebook & Twitter (or an other social media outlet) can actually deepen the quality of your living (not as much as actively interacting with those in your immediate community, but still).

On the other hand, if you are involved with social media outlets simply to feel better about yourself or your life, then you are essentially addicted to the same – and that addiction will ultimately bring you far more suffering than pleasure.

In the post that follows I will go into a few practical methods you can use to release yourself from the shackles of this addiction …

In the meantime, it is enough for you to begin to free yourself, by making your social media less about the meaningless “media”, and more about the Caring “social”.

“We shape our tools, and our tolls shape us.” ~ Wilson Miner

“Focus on how to BE social, not how to do social.” ~ Jay Baer

“Bring the best of your authentic Self t every opportunity.” ~ Brian Jantsch