on death & life & Living … (06/18/12)
Grief can destroy you … or grief can magnify you.
Once death’s icy presence enters our circle of beloveds, each one of us has an all-important choice to make. We can either sink into sadness and decide that the lost relationship was “all for nothing”, or we can come to realize that every moment of that lost togetherness had more meaning than we dared to recognize at the time. Indeed, we can choose to recognize that it held so much meaning, in fact, that it terrified us — that it frightened us so much that we chose instead to merely go through the motions of caring; that we often ended up taking for granted the love & the laughter we shared; that we mostly never allowed ourselves to deeply honor the sacredness of that Friendship while we still had the chance.
A deeply painful realization, this one is, and yet a critically important one as well. For after our friend (or our lover, or our partner, or our family member) does die — once it truly is over and we are left alone without them, there is another way of looking at their passing – a way that provides a portal to clarity and peace. Instead of pining for what has been lost, we can begin to see life more lucidly – we can begin to see that it wasn’t just talking together or watching sunsets together or washing dishes together or playing games together or laughing together that was so precious; that it wasn’t just celebrating life’s successes together or supporting each other during life’s tougher times …
No — if we pause long enough to step back from our self-centered sadness, we can see that it was literally everything; that our connection with the departed was the very WHY of life; the very magic that moves us steadily through the fog; the very fabric of all courage and wonder and joy and thankfulness. It is then & only then that we can come to understand that the answer to the very Mystery of our existence is the Love you shared with them while they were alive (even though sometimes imperfectly).
And once you allow yourself this view; once you allow your sense of loss to awaken you to the deeper Beauty of it all — to awaken you to the sanctity of Life and the raw Joy in being Alive, you can’t help but let out a deep sigh; you can’t help but feel a huge smile wash over your face as an amazing wave of Peace wells up from within.
And it is then that you will be driven to your knees, not by the weight of your loss, but by a deep & gentle gratitude for the times that preceded it …
It is in this moment that you will be inspired to stand up and go forth to honor this greatest of Gifts …… to honor their passing by renewing & embracing & cherishing the relationships you still have left.
(inspired by Dean Koontz)
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