“We must die alone. To the very verge of the stream our friends may accompany us; they may bend over us, they may cling to us there; but that one long ocean wave of eternity eventually washes up to our lips, sweeps us from the shore, and we sets us forth, alone … And in that untried and utter solitude, there remains for us the pulsation of the greatest of assurances: that we are in fact not alone, because we are One with it all, and the Father is within & all around us still.” ~ inspired by E. H. Chapin

 

My maternal grandmother passed away in November of 2004.  Todd & I were both living on the same side of the Big Island of Hawaii at the time, though we weren’t seeing much of each other in those days.  Todd had come to the Big Island in early 2003 to do some deep Soul-searching, and was devoutly distancing himself from everything & everyone from his past in order to do so; a choice I fully and actively respected.

He had come to visit me a few times in the early months of 2004 — joyous reunions of which I might share another time, and yet he had grown increasingly reclusive and withdrawn as the year had progressed.  By the time we were scheduled to fly to grandmother’s memorial service together in December of that year, I didn’t know where he was and hadn’t seen him for quite some time. I knew he was in a very sad and “dark” place personally, and I also knew that he was extremely uncomfortable being around family members, so I simply assumed that I would be making the trip alone.

And yet, to his great credit, Todd set aside his immense discomfort and profound angst.  He showed up a few weeks before our scheduled flight and did indeed accompany me to the mainland.  As far as I was concerned, just getting on the plane was an act of selfless courage that was more than enough to qualify as purely Loving … and yet there was a moment thereafter that proved to be even more powerful.

 

During the service itself, held in the United Methodist Church in Shalimar, Florida, there was a time when the four oldest grandchildren were asked to stand before the gathering and each read one of grandmother’s favorite passages from the Bible.  When it came time for my dear cousin Emily to read the 23rd Psalm, she simply couldn’t do it. I remember standing there next to the pulpit while she fought through her tears, sending her immense Compassion while gently waiting for her to collect herself enough to get through the Psalm.

And yet she just couldn’t do it … The emotion of the moment and the loss of her dear grandmother was simply too much for her.  If Emily & I had been alone up there in front of everyone, I like to think that I would have done what Todd then actually did …

… Todd stepped calmly forward and read the Psalm for her.

Even though he didn’t even want to be at the ceremony at all, much less to be standing up in front of everyone there, Todd read Psalm 23 for all of us.

 

And how he read it!  We’ve all heard voices that are “dialed in to Spirit” — every one of us innately knows when someone is speaking from the Heart; when someone truly FEELS every syllable they are uttering.  I still get goose-bumps to this day when I remember how Todd boomed out that Psalm; and how it reverberated throughout the entire church for several moments after he was done.

 

My dear brother, that act was nothing short of awesome, and it only seems right for me to Peace-fully BOOM that beautiful Psalm right back to you …

… to you, with Love …

… to you, for all of us:

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures.
He leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul, and leadeth me in the paths of righteousness …

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: For thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies …

Thou anointest my head with oil, and my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life:

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.”

~ Psalm 23 (KJV)

 

Filed under: A Tribute to Todd by Scaughdt