Richard Brady wrote me the following the other day:

“In my recent reflections I’ve shared something of my suffering with you.  I’m grateful for the replies of concern I’ve received.  One in particular, from a friend in Holland, had a profound effect on me.  She had lived with tension in her body since childhood and saw her condition as a manifestation of the process of letting go of this tension.  I’m aware of having carried similar tension since childhood.  Resting, napping, and meditating on my body are giving me plenty of opportunities to begin to release it.  My heart is gladdened by the companionship of a friend who has “been here”.

Sharing one’s suffering beyond one’s family and a few close friends, is uncommon in our culture.  I celebrate this kind of sharing.  [It] makes it possible for me and many, many others to know deep down that we are not alone.”

Richard’s sentiments are commonplace and I am almost certain that they resonate with many.  I also have no desire to criticize them or even amend them.

I will, however, use this entry to comment on their relative impracticality.

In essence, if you wish to attain a sense of Joy, you must be choose to be Joy-filled.  If you wish to feel Peace-full, you must choose to be Peace-filled.  If you want to be happy, you must choose to be Happy.  Our mental state of bein gis always ours to regulate as we wish.  This is just as true in those times when we are sad or angry or frightened as it is when we are feeling happy or calm or amused.

That doesn’t mean that all our practices assist us in making those challenging choices.  Many choices we make actually hinder our ability to choose a Meaning-full existence, and the purposeful sharing of suffering is one of them.

Every time we share our suffering we entrench our ego’s unconscious belief in the concrete existence of the same.  And every time we share our suffering, we tempt the other to not only feel a piece of the same (via their innate desire to compassionately suffer with us), but also to crystallize our experience of pain through their emissions of pity or sympathy for our “plight”.

It might “feel good” to know that we are cared for in this manner, and yet on a practical level, both parties’ ability to approach that particular challenge Meaning-fully (by transcending it via either positive thoughts or kind deeds) is greatly diminished.

In closing, we are never more alone than when mired in self-focus, and the only clear path out of this emotional bog is not the sharing of our suffering with others, but the replacement of that selfishness with acts of Love.

Filed under: simple Answers to tough Questions by Scaughdt