Are you afraid of anything? … (01/25/10)
I was recently asked about the fears I might be experiencing, living as a Peace Pilgrim …
Basically, there are the fears that others think I “must be having” and there are the fears I actually have. It is important to understand that the former, while inaccurate for me, are self-reflectively accurate for those doing the analyzing of my choices.
For example, others have told me that I am afraid of failure by running from being a “productive member of society”. Actually, I realize whole-heartedly that my “failure” or “success” has nothing to do with me at all (as long as I keep humbly “plugging away”), but rather is tied to how other people judge my choices relative to their own beliefs. As long as I keep radically Loving others every day, I am Succeeding — period.
Of course, all the people who think this of me are actually the very ones who feel that they aren’t contributing enough to the betterment of the Universe!
Another group of folks is convinced that I am “running from love” due to the pains in past relationships. Again, nothing could be further from the Truth. I have chosen to dedicate my Life to relaying the The Way to others. If I was merely walking The Way, then I could have a “normal relationship” without difficulty. And yet, as a Relayer, I have to put The Path before any relationship. That means living a pseudo-nomadic lifestyle that most women are biologically programmed to reject (or attempt to alter). Now, if a woman were to come and desire to partner with me and support my Relaying unconditionally, then I’d be all for that. And yet, this woman must come to me — it is “against the rules” of selflessness as well as those of humility for me to go searching for such a partner. I have decided to “marry” mySelf to the Universe (including all of Humanity), and as such have lost the “ability” to desire a partner (or even to be lonely), though I would have no problem treasuring one were she to arrive.
Of course, all the people who think that I am “afraid of love” are actually the very ones who know on a deeper level that they are avoiding deeper intimacy with their own loved ones!
And what are my actual fears?
Well, in all the moments when I am living The Way, I have no fears at all! And yet, in those moments of “ego” (when I am not living consciously for others), I do sometimes fear that I am “not taking it far enough” — that I don’t have that much time left to be the biggest Beacon of Light possible; that I should “set out” today and start walking as the Peace Pilgrim walked (www.peacepilgrim.org) …
And then I relax, and remember that the Universe will make it verrrry clear when the time is “best”/Right for such a step to be taken, and that all I have to do is to keep pausing during my days, intending to serve selflessly, and then courageously do so.
And with this selflessness comes Joy — and with this Joy, all my fears depart completely …
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