January 20 – Flagrant Honesty: Go the entire day answering every question and making every comment with “flagrant honesty”. This means no embellishing, no exaggerating, no melodramatizing, no sarcasm, no “politeness”, no tact and no “white lies”.

Most of us learned from an early age that “good people tell the truth”; that verbal honesty was something to which we should all aspire. Indeed, similar beliefs have been espoused by many men and women throughout human history.

And this makes good sense. Due to the “limbic resonance” to which every higher mammal has access, we can all tell when another person is being completely forthcoming and when they are not. There really is no way to successfully hide an untruth, regardless of whether our lie is insidiously manipulative, purposefully deceptive, neutrally secretive, merely vague or even well-intended. Every lie will out – period.

And so I was left with the question before me today: What does it mean to be truly Honest? Fortunately, I have been working with this issue consciously for many years, and have discovered a few distinctions that might prove useful.

First of all, it is clear to most of us that insincere friendliness is not Honest,

… and that merely “putting on a happy face” isn’t Honest either.

Honesty is not, then, about merely being “nice”.

Seeing the world through “tainted glasses” isn’t Honest, regardless of whether those lenses of opinion are “rose colored” with hollow optimism,

… or “darkened” by jaded negativity.

Honesty, then, is also not about being “positive”, nor is it about being “realistic”.

Clearly, in order to communicate truthfully, we must speak accurately and we must sincerely mean what we say.

And yet the Honesty that this task calls for is more than that.

To speak real Truth, our words & our actions must reflect not only our beliefs or our knowledge, but they must also express the essence of compassion that resides within the conscience of every sentient being – the True Self that encourages us to experience our innate Oneness wit our surroundings. Basically, it is not truly Honest to speak words that are accurate & “heartfelt” if we also know those words are likely to harm another.

Thus, the third characteristic of pure Honesty is that it causes no intentional harm. In my personal experience, there some forms of communication that may be “truthful” in the normal sense, and yet that do not emanate this third trait of real Honesty.

For example, real Honesty has nothing to do with expressing embarrassment.

Even if we really do possess such feelings, relaying them (to others or to ourselves) only makes them stronger. They are not an Honest reflection of the True Self, which does not comprehend any form of shame. Whenever feeling ridiculed, the truly Honest response is to feel compassion for those doing the ridiculing – and then to act accordingly by extending them kindness. If we persist in doing so, they will be forced to either recognize the poor quality of their actions, or leave us to go find a “victim” elsewhere. And this is what allows us to exhibit one of the characteristics of the truly Honest: radical Self-Appreciation.

Secondly, real Honesty has nothing to do with expressing anger.

Even if we really do possess such feelings, relaying them (to others or to ourselves) only makes them stronger. They are not an Honest reflection of the True Self, which does not comprehend any form of hatred or fury. Whenever feeling enraged (or even annoyed), the truly Honest response is to feel compassion for those inspiring the same – and then to act accordingly by extending them kindness. If we persist in doing so, they will be forced to either recognize the poor quality of their actions, or leave us to find an opponent elsewhere. And this is what allows us to exhibit the next characteristic of the truly Honest: radical Gentleness.

Real Honesty also has nothing to do with expressing sadness.

Even if we really do possess such feelings, relaying them (to others or to ourselves) only makes them stronger. They are not an Honest reflection of the True Self, which does not comprehend any form of sorrow or depression. Whenever feeling melancholy (or even slightly dejected), the truly Honest response is to feel gratitude for the circumstances inspiring the same (circumstances that have made our Love powerful by making it difficult) – and then to act accordingly by going forth to extend kindness to another. If we persist in doing so, we will be forced to cease focusing on our own frustrations, and experience the deep-seated peace that comes from relieving another’s distress instead. And this is what allows us to exhibit yet another of the characteristics of the truly Honest: radical Joy.

And finally, real Honesty also has nothing to do with expressing boredom.

Even if we really do possess such feelings, relaying them (to others or to ourselves) only makes them stronger. They are not an Honest reflection of the True Self, which does not comprehend any form of apathy or indifference. Whenever feeling weary (or even just a bit “flat”), the truly Honest response is gratitude for the circumstances inspiring the same (circumstances that have made our Love powerful by making it difficult) – and then to act accordingly by choosing to appreciate our moment anyway. If we persist in doing so, we will be forced to cease focusing on our own listlessness, and experience the deep-seated amazement that comes when perceiving the constant miracle that is our conscious life instead. And this is what allows us to exhibit another of the characteristics of the truly Honest: radical Wonderment.

And how can we embody such pure Honesty practically in our everyday lives?

Well, it all starts with pausing – taking a deep breath and remembering where & when & who you truly are.

Thereafter, it is necessary to make eye contact with the being you are communicating with.

And while doing so, it is necessary to let the pure Kindness of your True Self flow over them.

Thereafter, anything you might say will be grounded in gentleness – and therefore will also be completely Honest.

See You when I see you …

… and until then, Be Now!

Scaughdt

Filed under: 366 Days of Kindness by Scaughdt