How can I keep from “being used”? … (09/16/08)
While “being used” and selfless service may look very similar on the outside (both are actions that appear to be self-sacrificial), they are internally EXTREMELY different.
When we are “being used” by another, it is an unpleasant experience that is unwanted and causes pain &/or fatigue — it is something that is forced upon us by our lives’ “enemies” and, as such, it is something that we strive to halt and then prevent from ever happening again … In marked contrast, selflessly serving someone else (i.e. “being USED”) brings with it a deep state of Inner Peace.
In such selfless moments, even though the external situation may look exactly the same, we have internally chosen to serve both willingly & Joy-fully — without care or worry as to any consequences that might befall us as a result. Because of that conscious willingness, those consequences are inevitably harmonious ones — internally for ourselves and externally for others.
It is useful to remember that 90%+ of all our suffering comes not from the pain inflicted upon us by life or others, but rather from our fear of & our resistance to that pain. When we choose to serve others in our moments of discomfort, fear and resistance fall away and we are left with very little suffering, regardless of what is “done to us” as a consequence of our “vulnerability” …
Indeed, it is impossible for anyone or anything to take what is already being freely given … And this includes our chosen State of Being. When we choose to serve willingly, we might become fatigued &/or experience pain, and yet this fatigue/pain is no longer a source of suffering for us … In those moments, we realize that it is merely a sign that we are powerfully serving those we are choosing to Love in those moments.
Ironically, this chosen attitude brings with it not only large waves of additional energy which eliminates our fatigue, but also large waves of Peace, which physiologically dampens our pain & discomfort as well (serving as sort of a spiritual anesthetic).
Of course, to obtain these “benefits”, it is essential that we continually re-affirm a selfless intention to our choices: that we consciously remember that we are not acting with Kindness in order to obtain this Peace for ourselves, but rather are choosing to be Caring towards others solely for their benefit — and this, regardless of whether or not our own Inner Peace is enhanced as as result (even though we know that our selfless choices will allWays bring that Peace to us).
I understand that this is not an easy prospect for we humans to engage — as first & foremost we are beings who are geared to survive first and “care” for others second, AND YET it IS indeed possible to do so, and deep-seated Contentment IS in-Deed always the result when we Do!
SO, to answer the Question — How can you keep from “being used” while giving to others? Simply Give to them … and stop worrying about being used.
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