“The good fighters of old first put themselves beyond the possibility of defeat.” ~ Sun Tsu

You might find it odd that I would quote one of human history’s most acclaimed masters of military strategy & tactics to open a post about the practical Power of Forgiveness, and yet there is a method to my apparent madness. First of all, it is always useful to illuminate what a thing IS by showing what it is not. Forgiveness is a vehicle for Peace, while war — Sun Tsu’s area of expertise — most definitely is not. And yet more specifically, as with any ancient text (or modern one, for that matter), great Wisdom can be found within its words — even if the overarching subject matter is highly unwise — if one but has the diligence and the humility to look for it.

And so it is with the aforementioned quote. You see, while Sun Tsu was correct to laud the merits of “putting ourselves beyond the possibility of defeat”, he tended to err in just how to do so.

And this is where I now enter the fray …

Sun Tsu’s masterpiece “The Art of War” has been used by generals & military advisors for centuries in planning their violent campaigns against one another; sometimes with apparent success in the form of “military victory”. Of course, any objectively honest glance at any past war will illuminate a Truth far deeper & far more profound — namely, that there is no such thing as “winning a war”; that the moment a fight is engaged, everyone involved is destined to become a “loser” in the most intimate sense of that word. Some may lose less than others, and yet each and every soldier in every single conflict (from those between nations to those between co-workers) is essentially lost the minute they actively & aggressively engage their enemies in combat or argument.

That having been said, each of us are now left with an all-important question: If not war, then what? If not “preemptive strikes” & “self-defense” & “just retribution” & “military peacekeeping”, then what are we to do when attacked? What is our nation to do when attacked by “terrorists”, and what are we to do when blasted by our more personal adversaries?

While its implications are somewhat complex, the answer is a rather simple one — and one that we all intuitively comprehend. In fact, it is an answer that we have clearly known since childhood …

Whenever we are attacked in any form or fashion, the correct response is to FORGIVE.

“But that’s ridiculous!” you say. “Forgiving our personal enemies would have us be repeatedly harmed by them, and forgiving our international foes would have us losing wars, and ultimately our very country.”

Well, as tempting as it is to believe such statements, the fact remains that they simply are not true.

Allow me to explain by clarifying what I mean by “Forgiveness” …

*First of all, “Forgiveness” for me is not a feeling or a thought-process or even a series of statements. Real, effective, deep-seated Forgiveness is a verb — an action; preferably a series of actions — often silent, “irrational” & anonymous ones.

*Secondly, to Forgive an enemy does NOT mean that we condone or support or affirm the action(s) that caused us past or current pain. It does NOT mean that we affirm the wrong done. It DOES mean that we choose see past our enemy’s behaviors to the Pure Being within them — that when we respond to their “crimes”, we respond to the Pure Being they were at birth; the Pure Being that they have obviously forgotten (at least temporarily).

*Thirdly, the “Forgiveness” I advocate here does NOT mean that we no longer discern “right” from “wrong”, or “helpful” from “harmful”. Indeed, truly effective discernment never requires us to label or judge others at all. While it is quite useful to discern which of others’ behaviors cause us pain and which of our own cause pain to others, it is NOT effective to then take the next step and negatively label the people who commit those mis-deeds as “wrong” or “evil” or “enemy”. Others might be mean to us — even cruel at times, and yet this does NOT make them “mean people” or “cruel people”. Yes, recognizing their mean-ness or cruelty allows us to consciously respond with strength AND compassion simultaneously, and yet judging them as “mean” or “cruel” only serves to indirectly encourage them to continue acting similarly in the future. What is attacked will either respond with violence or retreat, hide and strengthen itself to fight again another day. This is just as true for the Nazi party in World War II as it is for your gossiping co-worker of today. Essentially, while fighting an enemy might be “reasonable” or “just”, it is NEVER effective.

*Fourthly, while “forgiveness” does involve being Kind to those who are harming us, being Kind has nothing to do with being “friendly” or “nice” … In fact, the Kind deed is often an uncomfortably courageous one; for example standing up to “evil” by refusing to condone its cruelty — doing so WHILE OPENLY FORGIVING its perpetrators.

*Fifthly, it is important to realize the Truth that it is not what we do in response to our perpetrators, nor how we respond to them that matters … All that matters is the WHY underneath the what and the WHY behind the how. If we respond with “niceness” or “politeness” or mere “diplomacy” (see #4 above) to somehow persuade our enemies to become nicer or more polite themselves, then we are destined to know failure. If, on the other hand, we respond with actively & openly irrational acts of Kindness — acts that purposefully exude Compassion for our enemies’ obvious suffering (for any fellow human MUST be suffering to knowingly inflict pain on us or others) — and we will meet & embrace our only true Victory.

You see, at their most primal level, humans are herd animals, and are subconsciously mandated to care for those in their own herd. Thus, it makes perfect sense that openly acting like a member of another’s herd — or another’s nation, or faith, or political party, or community, or family — ensures that they will ultimately have no choice but to accept us as such, and then act accordingly.

Is a co-worker gossiping about you behind your back? Openly compliment them behind theirs … The gossip will ultimately cease. Is a classmate lying to you in front of your face? Call out the lie while doing them a Kindness … The lying will ultimately cease. Is a stranger threatening you? Ask them if you can do anything for them or those they Love … The threats will ultimately cease. Is a “terrorist nation” attacking your homeland or even plotting to do so? Repeatedly send them flowers & food (or anything else they might like or need) … The acts of terror will ultimately cease.

It’s really not really rocket science … In fact, it’s actually rather elementary human psychology. No sane mammal will continue to bite the hand that repeatedly feeds it … And contrary to popular media-spread myth, there simply aren’t that many “crazy” sociopaths out there* … Every enemy has wants & dreams; every opponent has family members for whom they tenderly care and enemies of their own they dislike; every “terrorist” simply wants to feel safe & respected & loved.

Now I will admit that there is no “quick-fix” to Peace … I think there is a reason why all the “masters” I have ever read have mentioned that perseverance is required to attain Harmony. In essence, the primitively selfish minds of all “evil people” are behaving in ways designed to reap criticism and condemnation. When they receive the same, they are affirmed, and go forth to continue their cruelties to then reap more of the same.

On the other hand, when they receive irrational Compassion after performing a cruel act, they cannot process this unconditional Love — an unconditional Love that threatens to destroy the very dysfunctional fabric of which their delusional lives have been woven. In order to survive, these ego-based brains attack the Kind person with even more fervor, in the hopes that they will go back to judging and condemning — to becoming angry or saddened or afraid. When the Kind person chooses to PERSIST in responding with compassionate Kindness, the ego-based “mean people” have only two options: be Kind in return or leave to find a victim elsewhere. Either way, Peace returns to the life of the Love-Giver, and the “cruel person” is — at the very least — one act of Love closer to awakening from their angry & twisted nightmare.

[*Note that the brilliant work of Victor Frankl showed that Forgiveness (again, the verb) even works on sociopaths, though it admittedly might take a bit longer.]

On that note, I encourage you all to not merely take my word for it regarding “radical Forgiveness”, but rather to go forth and experience its brilliance for yourselves. After all, the greatest thing about it is IT ACTUALLY WORKS!

So in closing, and in alignment with the theme of this post, I humbly offer a very wise saying uttered by one of my very own personal “enemies”, Max Lucado.

Enjoy … and enliven!

“I choose gentleness… Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice may it be only in praise. If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer. If I make a demand, may it be only of myself.”~ Max Lucado

Filed under: The War on WAR by Scaughdt