Step 03: FORGIVE (the verb)

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else. While you do so, it is you alone who gets burned.” ~ inspired by Buddha

We are all programmed to fear those who might harm us, and a corollary of that innate angst is the additional program that persistently demands that we dislike or even hate those who have actually done so.  Simply put, for the human ego, fearing strangers who might hurt us and disliking enemies who have already hurt us (and therefore probably will do so again) is essential to our survival.  And quite logically, if the ego demands that we protect ourselves with our suspicions and our hatreds, it also demands that we refuse to let our guard down – it demands that we refuse to reach out to those with whom we are not yet familiar, and it demands that we refuse to forgive those “enemies” with whom we already are.

And it is this fear-based “thinking” – and this fear-full dogma alone – that is the source of all our wars, all our arguments, all our grudges and all our condemnations.

In its most extreme manifestations, fear inspires us to vengeful acts of physical violence, irrational feelings of fervent hatred, and scathing exchanges of aggressive words. In its less zealous forms, it manifests itself in bland neutrality in the face of evil,  lifeless apathy in the face of suffering, and ice-cold analysis (a.k.a. the coward’s “patience”) in the face of injustice.

In short, it is fear & fear alone that is responsible for all of humankind’s most drastic failures, and it is fear & fear alone that keeps us from walking as the champions of Love & Compassion that we could someday – maybe today – very well become.

We have been taught to respond to evil by attempting to destroy it, and yet doing so  has only encouraged evil to crawl into darker crevices; hiding from our wrath until strong enough to lash out once again.

War has never brought Peace – only more war.

We have been convinced that it is right to respond to criminals by publicly condemning them and then locking them up, and yet doing so has only perpetuated the very lack of unconditional Acceptance that inspired their crimes in the first place. With psyches further scarred by the lashings of our “justice”, our fear has sent them trembling into darker corners; where they wait lustily for the next chance to rob and steal and kill again … all for one more chance to someday be pardoned.

Imprisonment of “undesirables” has never brought more security – it has only inspired additional crime.

We have been told that we are to “protect ourselves” from those ex-friends, associates and strangers who have insulted or wronged us; that we must establish “healthy boundaries” against their future sins and “never forget” their original transgressions, and yet doing so ensures only an enduring loneliness within a life of endless conflict.

Criticism and gossip have never clarified the line between “friend” and “enemy” – they have only kept us separated from our Selves.

The alternative to this immense futility is the one thing the ego fears above all others: Forgiveness. And by “Forgiveness”, I do not mean a hollow utterance or an insincere letter. In order to be effective against the fear that is the source of our dis-ease, our Forgiveness must as active as it is selfless & Kind.

True Forgiveness does not condone or ignore the wrong committed, and yet it DOES have the courage to look past all “evil” behaviors to the wounded being that performed them.

True Forgiveness replaces condemnation with mercy, resentment with compassion and anger with empathy.  And by doing so, it gives the ego of all fear-steeped “perpetrators” the thing it fears more than anything else: it gives Acceptance … it gives Affirmation … it gives Love.

And when this courageous choice is made, the fearful and the “bad” and the “mean” and the ‘evil” have but one choice remaining:   flee in search of a victim elsewhere, or awaken to the Kind Being they have always been, and have only chosen to temporarily forget.

I have lived this Truth in thousands of conflicts over the past decade of my life, Victor Frankl has witnessed to this Truth in his work with those who suffered in Nazi concentration camps, and Leo Buscaglia has affirmed that this Truth functions even for those deemed “psychologically unfit” and “mentally ill”.

This is also The Way of Peace Pilgrim, Martin Luther King, Gandhi & Jesus Christ, and while it has been said often enough by our these and other saints that “Love destroys fear”, this is far more than some pipe-dreamed platitude. No, this is a concept that actually bears the “Good Fruit” of Peace … This is a Truth that flowers when it is enlivened … This is a Truth that performs soundly and indiscriminately … This is a Truth that WORKS.

I realize that to judge another person who is treating you poorly is an instinctive response; a primitive program that is as reasonable as it is innate. And yet, WE ARE MORE THAN MERE “ANIMALS”. We are conscious and have free will. As such, we have the right to choose our response to any trespass against us …

We have the right to be grateful for every challenge that tests our resolve (recognizing that it is only such tests that allow us to transcend the “only human” to become Human again).

We have the right to remain undaunted by our ego’s calls to retaliation against and/or condemnation of our enemies.

We in-deed have the right to extend Kindness to the very sources of our fear – we have the right to “be Kind when least inclined”.

This profound Forgiveness is not a moral obligation, nor is it an ethical requirement … No, my friends, this FORGIVENESS IS A PRIVILEGE; an honor afforded to very few of the millions of species living and interacting on this glorious planet. And it is high-time that we go forth and have the courage to walk its Way – not in feeble thought or hollow word, but with deeds of Power:

Who do you hate?
Forgive them with an anonymous act of Caring.

Who has harmed you?
Forgive them with a smile, if not a hug.

Who has insulted your integrity?
Forgive them with a Kind word.

Like with any other action, the more difficult the choice, the more powerful that alternative becomes. So too with our Forgiveness – the more courageous and sincere and humble, the more transformative that gift of atonement becomes; both to the “enemy” to whom it is given, as well as to all who happen to witness the same.

There is no “process” to Peace, nor is there a gradual “learning curve” for Enlightenment – there is simply the humility to see past another person’s mistake, while being openly Kind to the forgotten conscience that rests quietly therein.

Fear has resided long enough within you … allow Forgiveness to gently take that fear by the hand, and lead it firmly out the door.
“Since life is our most precious gift, let us be certain it is dedicated to the liberation of the human mind and spirit … beginning with our own.” ~ Maya Angelou

“No one can find inner peace except by working, not in a self- centered way, but for the betterment of the entire human family.” ~ inspired by Peace Pilgrim

Filed under: Licking the Razor's Edge (freedom from hidden addictions) by Scaughdt