LICKING THE RAZOR’S EDGE

Addiction #24 – the challenge of ARROGANCE
(or “PRIDE IS BLIND” … see image)

“It is not that you read a book or pass an examination, and are then finished with your education. The whole of life, from the moment you are born to the moment you die, is a continual deepening of your understanding of self and others.” ~ inspired by Krishnamurti

“Deep down, underlying all our insecurities, beneath all our hopes for and beliefs in equality, each of us believes we’re more worthy of friendship, love and success than anyone else.” ~ inspired by Audrey Beth Stein

“The path of peace is not a journey of weakness. It takes incredible strength to find the good in the ‘less than’, just as it takes incredible strength to refuse to open a can of ‘whoop-ass’ when our buttons are pushed” ~ inspired by T. F. Hodge

Pride is one of the more subtle – and also one of the more insidious – of all the human addictions. While most of us have encountered people in our everyday lives who can easily be labeled as “stuck up” or “conceited” or “aloof”, the addiction to pride runs much deeper than those who either think they are always right or those who believe they are better than others.

In fact, it is safe to say that “aggravated self-assuredness” (a.k.a. arrogance) is at least a psychological addiction for almost every human being on the planet – including me … and including you.

Indeed, this addiction is so underhanded that our parents, our teachers, and even our culture in general all encourage us to be arrogant –- to call out others who are “mistaken”, to correct ideas that are “false”, or to help others who are “in the wrong”. Many of us mean well with such pompous behaviors, and yet overly pretentious they remain -– arrogant to the detriment of others, and arrogant to the detriment of ourselves.

In fact, pride is so commonplace that many of us remain unaware of the subtle ways in which our arrogance has infected our relationships with others and blinded our appreciation for life in general.

So let’s examine a few of these lesser-known manifestations of pride now …

RECOGNIZING our ADDICTION to ARROGANCE

In order to deeply enJOYlife in Meaning-full ways, our entrenched, self-focused behaviors must be replaced with more Meaning-full alternatives. And yet before such addictions can be so cleansed, they must first be identified.

To help you do just that, consider investing a few moments in honestly answering the following questions:

Do you express your desires for things you don’t have more than you express your gratitude for what you already do?

Do you gossip about friends, associate or enemies?

Are you happy whenever a “criminal” is caught and/or convicted (i.e. “brought to justice”)?

When criticized, do you defend your words or your actions or your choices?

When your beliefs are challenged, do you try to persuade others that you are right?

Do you grumble and complain about things that are “unfair” or “bad” or “wrong”?

Do you believe that you “deserve” all the good things in life – either those you already possess, or those you do not yet have (but should)?

Do you withdraw or pout or mope or whine whenever you lose an argument or are reprimanded by another?

Do you become impatient &/or frustrated when others don’t work or walk or drive or speak quickly enough?

Do you revel in the misfortunes, failures or difficulties experienced by your enemies (e.g. members of an opposing political party, members of a different religion, citizens of a different country, fans of a different sports team, members of a different race)?

Do you identify yourself by (&/or are you proud of) your country — or your company, or your geographical region, or your race, or your religion, or your political beliefs?

Do you consider yourself to be smarter or prettier or more talented than others in any way?

Do you attempt to psychoanalyze the motives behind others’ actions or words?

Without being asked about them by others, do you indirectly hint at or directly share your adventures or your victories or your successes?

Do you speak to others more than you listen to them?

Do you strive for the approval of others or worry about what others think about you?

Do you believe that you already “know enough” about your job, or your life, or the world, or yourself?

Do you rationalize overtly painful humor (e.g. subtly racist jokes) or indirectly harmful humor (e.g. scathing sarcasm) by professing that they are “only jokes” or that this is “just the way you are”?

Do you continue to look elsewhere for a “better job”, a “more loving partner” or “your kind of people”?

Do you make fun of others whenever they “brown nose” or “kiss up” to authority figures?

Do you believe that you have a right to strive for “your fair share”?

Do you listen to others merely so they will then “let you be”, or tolerate their “neediness” so they will then leave you alone?

Do you evangelize your spiritual beliefs, trying to “save” them, “witness” to them, or otherwise persuade them to adopt your religious views?

Do you quickly reject new ideas or dismiss others’ beliefs offhand when they seem to contradict your own?

Do you reject offers of assistance from family, friends &/or associates?

Do you primarily associate with people who are “equally enlightened”, “similarly inclined”, or “of a like mind”?

Do you ridicule, ignore or otherwise prematurely dismiss new truths, cutting edge research or fresh ideas that do not fit neatly into your preconceived beliefs about Reality?

Do you find your life at times to be boring or dull?

Do you label those with differing points of view as “less intelligent” or “lacking in understanding”?

Do you inform others whenever they make mistakes?

Do you identify people by first “sorting” them into general categories?

Do you judge others (e.g. “She works too hard”, “He is so negative”, etc)?

Do you believe you know “the facts”?

Do you use the words “should”, “could”, “must” or “ought to” in your every-week speech?

Do you use the words “right”, “wrong”, “true”, “false”, “good”, “bad”, “better” or “worse” in your every-week speech?

Do you get angry or irritated when another person rejects, condemns or analyzes you?

Do you praise others whenever they do something “good” or “right” or “properly”?

Do you avoid eye-contact?

Do you make excuses for accidentally hurtful behaviors or unintentionally rude remarks?

Do you finger point, cross your arms over your chest or wave others off when speaking with them?

Do you focus regularly on “self improvement” or tend to regret your past mistakes (including any possible “sins”)?

Do you interrupt others while they are speaking?

Do you think about your next sentence while another is still speaking?

Do you have difficulty admitting that you don’t know something?

Do you “one-up” other people’s stories with exciting tales of your own?

Do you offer others unsolicited “help” or advice?

Do you blame others or look for whomever is “at fault” whenever things go wrong?

Do you laugh at people who wear “weird clothes” or say “strange things”?

Do you shy away from homeless people and beggars?

The CONSEQUENCES of our ARROGANCE ADDICTION

The chances are pretty good that most of you answered “yes” to more than a few of the previously posed queries (I certainly did). If so, there is no need to feel bad at all.

As humans, we have been subconsciously programmed to think and feel and behave in ways that are primarily self-serving and often less than Kind.

And yet, we wonder why. Why is it so hard to be humble? Why is it so challenging for us to set our pride aside and make our lives about serving others instead of fulfilling our own desires? Why is it so difficult to open up to fresh ideas and novel thoughts instead of clinging to traditional dogmas and entrenched beliefs?

For starters, for a brain hard-wired to cherish constancy, our constantly shifting world is often a terrifying place. We are also programmed to revel in happenstances that are pleasurable, which means that we are also constantly on the subconscious lookout for opportunities to cover over our fears and uncertainties.

We have been given brains that are brilliant, and yet also brains that are patently incapable of registering even the smallest fractions of the grander Reality around us. We are, essentially, constantly in a state of unknowing – an unknowing that is terrifying to us on the most primal levels of our being. As such, we are programmed to cope with this base-ignorance by gathering what little data we can, sorting that data as best we can, and then using that limited data to formulate concrete beliefs about the “nature of reality”.

This is how we cope with the patent lack of objective information at our disposal … And this is the primal source of our arrogance.

We do so in relation to our environment (e.g. clinging to “scientific facts”), we do so in relation to our societies (e.g. rabidly supporting certain leaders or political parties who are “in the right”), and we do so in relation to our fellow human beings (e.g. gossiping about our “enemies” or openly worshiping our “heroes”).

Complaining and gossiping and bragging and analyzing give us all a sense of self-worth in a life that feels primarily powerless. Arguing and debating and proselytizing give us all a feeling of superiority in an environment so large as to make us feel miniscule.

Of course, as long as we succumb to the myth that there is no alternative to this arrogance – as long as we keep attaching to the myth that have no choice in the matter; that we are “only human”, then we will continue to suffer the potent consequences of the same …

… consequences that happen to include the following:

*Our ARROGANCE DESTROYS our RELATIONSHIPS

Instead of intently listening to what others have to offer us, we arrogantly dismiss their words and coldly dismiss their concerns. Instead of allowing our own challenges to be eased by a community of friends, we arrogantly seclude ourselves and futilely strive to solve our difficulties on our own. Instead of immersing ourselves into relationships that have real warmth and depth and Meaning, we build connections that are tenuous and hollow and superficial –- relationships that cannot even begin to provide us with any true Connection; relationships that cannot hope to last.

In essence, our arrogance keeps us isolated & alone.

*Our ARROGANCE KEEPS US AFRAID & depressed

Because we succumb to the ego-mind’s desire to “process” our lives, and because that ego-mind does so by constantly identifying people who are “dangerous” and situations that are “risky”, our arrogance keeps us soaking in thoughts that are built upon anxiety and filled with fear. Ironically, this chosen life-view does not make us “safer” at all. In actuality, all that such a fear-based mindset serves to maintain is a cycle of sadness; a thought-pattern that concentrates on lack and lust, as opposed to levity and Love.

In essence, our arrogance keeps us feeling hopeless & depressed.

*Our ARROGANCE STUNTS our AWAKENING

The longer this certainty-mentality persists, the more concrete our beliefs become – and the less we allow ourselves to truly comprehend the true nature of ourselves and others. Instead of seeing others (and ourselves) as Brilliant Beings who sometimes forget their own radiance, we judge them as “evil” or “ignorant” or “lazy” or even “arrogant”. And instead of seeing difficult situations as priceless opportunities to transcend our selfish arrogance, we sink deeper and deeper into negative judgments and vain hopes. We begin to believe that there is nothing more for us to learn – or that we are fated to learn “slowly” over an entire lifetime; that our enlightenment (and thereby our Joy) can only grow gradually; that life is simply the way that it is – and that we are powerless to effectuate any powerfully positive shift in it.

In essence, our arrogance lulls our True Self to sleep – and keeps us uniformed and unaware of the Beauty & Meaning that could be ours to enJoy, in this & every moment.

“We can never accurately judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and their own renunciation. It’s one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it’s quite another to think that yours is the only path.” ~ Paulo Coelho

“To sit in judgment of those things which you perceive to be wrong or evil or imperfect is to be one more person who has become a part of wrongness, evil and imperfection.” ~ inspired by Wayne Dyer

“Judging another person does not define who they are … It defines who YOU are choosing to be.” ~ anonymous

Filed under: Licking the Razor's Edge (freedom from hidden addictions) by Scaughdt