It is quite safe to say that negativity has successfully invaded our society. Our conversations are riddled with complaints and gossip, our media is laced with stories both sad and shocking, and our minds are overflowing with thoughts of hopelessness and doubt. Our modern culture has offered us the darkened lenses of woe and fear, and we have all-too-willingly put them on.

To clarify, by “negativity” I do NOT mean mentioning to a store manager that the product you recently purchased at her store is defective. I do NOT mean respectfully maintaining a personal opinion during a heated discussion with an acquaintance. And I do NOT mean warning another person about a potential hazard to their health.

For me, these examples aren’t “negative” – they are communicative. The ability to discern “beneficial” from “harmful” is a valuable trait that we all possess, and it is one to be nourished. Identifying when something is broken or inconsistent or even dangerous is one thing – labeling these things as “terrible” or “awful” or even “bad” is another.

In essence, what I AM referring to in this post is the habit many of us have of complaining about the situations that don’t go our way, denigrating the people we dislike or with whom we disagree, and whining about the things we lack.

I’m talking about bemoaning “bad luck” when it strikes … I’m talking about gossiping about our neighbors … I’m talking about complaining about “bad weather” … I’m talking about broadcasting our fatigue to others when we are tired … I’m talking about watching the next catastrophe unfold on the nightly news, and then numbly whispering a soft and heartless “What a shame” … I’m talking about silently rejoicing over the failures of our enemies, and dramatically grieving the losses of our friends.

These are the choices we make that are far too prevalent in our lives. These are the choices that keep us from transcending our difficulties, and these are the choices that keep us mired in lives that feel constantly “less than”.

These, my Friends, are the choices that must change.

The SOURCE of our ADDICTION to NEGATIVITY

“All negativity is an mere illusion, created by the ego-mind to protect itself and ensure the continuation of its reign over our lives.” ~ inspired by Ambika Wauters

For the majority of “negaholics”, the source of their addiction rests in three-headed “beast” that most often begins to dominate life at an early age.

Psychologically, when a child lacks regular doses of positive affirmation, he or she will seek that attention using negative mans (e.g. temper tantrums, moping, whining, complaining, acting out, etc). This mindset tends to follow the child into adulthood, surfacing in behaviors such as moping, complaining and criticizing.

Intellectually, when a child lacks a healthy amount of mental or emotional stimulation, he or she will seek that excitement using negative means (e.g. creating drama or responding melodramatically). This “program” tends to follow the child into adulthood as well, and is reflected in behaviors such as gossiping, bemoaning and depression.

Physiologically, every negative response to any “crisis” causes a rush of “opiate peptides” to be released into one’s bloodstream; a rush to which one easily becomes addicted over time. This “high” comes whenever a situation is rejected, whenever you reject or condemn another person, whenever another person criticizes you, and even whenever you happen to criticize yourself.

“Negative emotions activate the reward centers of the brain, causing an unconscious addiction to those negative emotions.” ~ Dr. Ali Binazir

In essence, negativity becomes not only the base-program you adhere to when responding to unpleasant situations, it also becomes your favorite “drug of choice” to help you deal with the stress caused by those events.

The CONSEQUENCES of our NEGATIVITY

Many folks pass off their cycle of negativity as insignificant – a mere series of fleeting “bad moods” that are simply a standard part of “being human”.

This could not be further from the Truth. While negativity has become “normal” for many of us, it is by no means a natural human trait. Negativity is a choice — and it is anything but insignificant when it is chosen.

Negativity has many serious side-effects – consequences that keep us from realizing real Meaning and from knowing real Happiness in our lives.

*Negativity intensifies what psychologists call “the negativity effect” – the tendency to attribute the positive behaviors of another to their environment and the negative behaviors of another to their inherent nature. This delusional method of judging others is one of the main causes of prejudice & bigotry.

*Negativity is an “energy drain” on all of our relationships, causing the intimacy necessary to sustain real Love to wither and fade. A University of Denver study showed that the amount of negative feedback exchanged between married partners accurately determined which of those couples would ultimately remain together and which of them would ultimately dissolve their partnerships.

*Negativity encourages us to avoid taking responsibility for our own Happiness, and it tempts us to feel powerless to do our own small-yet-significant part to make the world a more Peace-full place. After all, if a person chooses to look for the “bad things” that keep on happening no matter what he or she does, that person soon develops the belief that his or her actions do not matter. A feeling of helplessness becomes entrenched in his or her mind, a helplessness that soon crystallizes into apathy — and inaction.

RECOGNIZING your own NEGATIVITY ADDICTION

“We must learn an inner solitude wherever we are or with whomsoever we might be. We must learn to penetrate all things and find the Divine that resides within.” ~ inspired by M. Eckhart

Addictions are mostly a subconscious, habitual response to pain or discomfort, which means that combating these dysfunctional patterns requires making choices that are conscious ones. As such, in order for us to free ourselves of any addiction, its underlying behaviors must first be recognized. Quite logically, in order for us to consciously let a behavior pattern go, we must first know what it is that needs releasing.

With this in mind, let’s take a few moments to see where negativity might have already crept into our lives.

Please consider honestly answering the following questions:

*Do you get upset when traffic delays you unexpectedly?

*Do you “hate” Mondays?

*Do you moan about the “bad weather” whenever it is cold or rainy or dreary?

*Do you get briefly angry whenever you bump your head or stub your toe?

*Do you get annoyed if someone jostles you in a crowd?

*Do you get upset when your waitress is slow or forgetful or mixes up your order?

*Do you gossip about your friends or enemies?

*Do you turn failures into crises?

*Do you ever feel helpless or hopeless or incapable?

*Do have difficulty recognizing and then celebrating every day’s moments of Beauty?

*Do you couple giving others compliments with giving them criticisms?

*Do you bemoan the ineffectiveness or the corruption of your government officials?

*Do you feel extremely frustrated with any aspect of your life?

*Do you raise your voice (outpourings of sadness or anger) more than once a month?

*Do you feel good when complaining about life or criticizing another’s shortcomings?

*Do you complain about the problems & difficulties in your life to others?

*Do you regularly mention financial stress or how tired you are to others?

*Do you Do you feel as though no one understands you or can comprehend what you are going through?

*Do you have high expectations for yourself or others? Are you disappointed in yourself or others when those expectations are not satisfied?

If you answered “yes” to any of these queries, it doesn’t mean that you are a “bad person”. It doesn’t mean that your are “an addict”. What it DOES mean is that you have identified some of the common situations where needless negativity is hampering your ability to live an effective and Joy-filled life.

CONCLUSION

First & foremost, please remember that this article, like all the others dealing with identifying and cleansing your addictions, is NOT a negative judgment of you as a person. Every human being on the planet has a primitive portion of the brain that is solely concerned with constantly searching for all the things around it that are “dangerous” or “broken” or “bad”. And every human being on the planet needed this “reptile brain” to function effectively during his or her childhood.

As such, every human being on the planet is, to one degree or another, a “negativity addict”.

Of course, this does NOT make us “inferior” or “weak” or “less than” in any way. It is simply how we are all primarily programmed to examine our world.

That having been said, we are also conscious beings – beings who are not required to blindly follow selfishly negative instincts, but who can instead CHOOSE to respond differently to discomfort.

Because we are more than our “reptile brains”, we CAN choose to see the wondrous in the “normal” …

We CAN choose to see the opportunity in the tragedy …

We CAN even choose to see the friend in the enemy.

In essence, we can choose to see the positive in the negative …

… and then we can choose to respond in ways that are positive as well.

“When I make dark my countenance, I shut my life from happier chance.” ~ Alfred Tennyson

“The mind that is too ready at contempt and reprobation, is as a clenched fist … It can give blows to that which it decried, and yet is completely closed off from receiving all that is precious.” ~ inspired by George Eliot

“Today I choose life. Each morning when I wake I can choose joy and happiness or negativity and pain … To feel, indeed to revel, in the freedom that comes from being able to make such choices is what allows me to live fully … not to deny my humanity, but rather to embrace it.” ~ inspired by Kevyn Aucoin