Researchers at Ohio State University have found that people today crave appreciation more than food, drinking, money and even sex, suggesting something of a self-esteem addiction – and addiction that is often sated by hollow communication; by meaningless chatter.

As mentioned in previous posts, we humans are social animals, and as such, we instinctively crave not only contact with others, but to be recognized and accepted by them. Consequently, meaningless talking has become a common addiction. Many of us use it as a way to connect with others when we feel lonely and/or disconnected from our True Selves; using the attention of others to gain a sense of self-approval in those times when we do not approve of ourselves …

… when we speak not to share an experience, but rather to entertain others or amuse them.

… when we speak not to discuss an idea, but rather to convince others that our position is correct.

… when we speak not to courageously relay our personal Truths, but rather to show others that we “fit in”; to gain their approval; to hold onto our “friends”.

Essentially, we speak not to communicate with others, but rather merely to be heard by them.

“What is the name of the 12-Step program for folks who talk a lot? … On & On Anon.” ~ unknown

REDISCOVERING WHERE YOU ARE ADDICTED

I would venture to say that no one reading this post is immune from this addiction, and yet you can provide yourself with a bit more perspective on the matter by having the humility to sincerely answer the following questions:

*Do you interrupt others when you have something “important” to say?

*Do you think about your response to a person’s story or statement before they are finished sharing the same?

*Do you find yourself “one-upping” the funny or bizarre stories of others?

*Do you talk frequently about the weather, how busy you are, or how tired you are?

*Do you discuss politics or politicians more than once a week?

*Do you analyze, criticize or otherwise gossip about others more than once a month?

*Do you have certain stories from your past that you repeat more than once, or that you feel compelled to share with most of your friends?

*Do you speak more than you listen?

*When you are alone, does your mind chatter away with thoughts about what just happened to you or what you “need to do” in the near future?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, then you are at least mildly addicted to meaningless talking.

THE CONSEQUENCES OF VACANT TALKING

While this addiction might not seem as important as many of the others we have discussed, the consequences of being addicted to vacant speech are just as debilitating.

Consider the following Truths …

*TRUTH #01: Vacant TALKING means NOT APPRECIATING your Life

One of the greatest Joys we can experience is the conscious reveling in the wonders that approach & greet us every day.

As long as we are talking, our minds remain closed to new ideas – unable to learn about either others or ourselves. And as long as we are talking, our senses remain closed to new wonders – unable to immerse in either the internal inspirations that rise from within us or the external beauties that enfold us gently from without.

Essentially, as long as you are merely speaking about something, you aren’t appreciating anything … As long as your are merely talking about living, you cannot be truly enjoying your priceless Life.

“Appreciation is the beginning of wealth. Appreciation is the beginning of health. Appreciation is the beginning of spirituality. Appreciation is where we come to know the miracle of life – it is where the miracle of living begins.” ~ inspired by Jim Rohn

“You can observe a lot by watching.” ~ Yogi Bera

*TRUTH #02: Vacant TALKING means NOT CONNECTING with others

When an idle talker is simply speaking to be heard (or to be laughed at, or to be appreciated, or to be agreed with or to be agreeable), he/she is not actually offering anything to the listener. Instead, the talker, whether rambling on and on with a superficial monologue or simply “chatting” with frivolous words, is actually sucking energy from the listener. And those who end up listening to such a talker are often either too polite to disengage or too afraid speak the truth about their boredom.

And this dynamic creates a deep rift between the speaker and all who are “listening” – a major disconnect where real Intimacy is extinguished, real Caring is muted, real Empathy is lost. In such situations, listeners are indirectly encouraged to abandon the speaker, and the speaker – who can subconsciously sense this “rejection” with his/her limbic system, feels even more isolated than when the conversation began.

As such, every time you engage in idle chatter, you push real Love away … Every time you talk to merely “chat” or speak to merely be heard, you ironically keep yourself from making the very Connections that you so deeply crave.

Essentially, the “friendlier” you are, the less Friendship you have.

“As we get past our superficial material wants and instant gratification we connect to a deeper part of ourselves, as well as to others, and the universe.” ~ Judith Wright

*TRUTH #03: Vacant TALKING means NOT DOING for others

This is possibly the most important consequence of all – that whenever we are talking TO others (i.e. speaking essentially for ourselves), we are not DOING anything for them.

The only way to know real Peace in this glorious life is to set aside thinking about Doing for others, and simply GO forth & actually DO for them instead.

“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is this: What are you doing for others?” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

The only way to know real Joy in this glorious life is to set aside analyzing how we feel about Doing for others, and simply GO forth & actually DO for them instead.

“The man of sensibility is too busy talking about his feelings to have time to engage Good Deeds.” ~ Mason Cooley

And the only way to know real Happiness in this glorious life is to cease speaking about Doing for others (or speaking with them about nothing) – and simply GO forth & actually DO for them instead.

“Facta, non Verba.” ~ Latin Proverb
(Actions, not words)

I think that is enough said … literally.